Waiter: Hello Sir and welcome to Kelsey's. May I take your coat?
Customer: Here, hang it someplace safe, it's cashmere.
Waiter: Here's our lunch menu. Do you want to hear our specials?
Customer: Not really, I know your specials better than you do.
Waiter: What would you like to drink?
Customer: Is your ice tea sweetened or unsweetened?
Waiter: We only have sweetened ice tea with lemon Sir.
Customer: I will have sparkling water then.
Waiter: I will give you a few minutes to look at the menu.
5 minutes later Waiter brings a bottle of Perrier and pour into a glass.
Waiter: Have you decided Sir?
Customer: By the way your glasses have spots on them. I will have calamari as an appetizer, and balsamic chicken.
Waiter: Very sorry about the glasses. Chicken comes with a side and a salad.
Customer: I will have Caesar salad and a baked potato with sour cream and chives. Don't overcook the chicken. I mean it! Or I will send it back.
Waiter, bringing calamari and Caesar salad
Waiter: Here you go Sir, how is everything?
Customer: I changed my mind, I want French fries instead of the baked potato.
Waiter: No problem Sir.
20 minutes later Waiter brings the entrée.
Waiter: Here you go Sir, how is everything?
Customer: calamari was chewy and salad was not so fresh.
Waiter: Very sorry about that Sir, would you like me to refill your glass?
Customer: About time! I thought you forgot about me.
20 minutes later Waiter comes back.
Waiter: Are you almost done with your chicken Sir?
Customer: Chicken was cold and dry. And too salty. French fries were soggy.
Waiter picks up the plates.
Waiter: I apologize Sir. Would you like to look at the dessert menu?
Customer: No. Just bring me a cup of coffee and a bran muffin.
Waiter comes back with coffee and muffin.
Waiter: Here is your bill Sir. Will it be cash or card?
Customer: Cash. Customer finishes his lunch, grabs his coat and leaves.
Waiter to himself: Cheapskate left me 5% tip. I hope he chokes on his bran muffin.
I would like to tell you a horrible story.
One night it seemed to me that there was someone besides me in my room. I opened my eyes and saw a woman's shade at the window . She was very tall, thin and she stretched out her arms to me. I was scared and I screamed so loud as I could. I was sitting on the bed and crying. Suddenly my parents ran into my room. They were very frightened. Dad turned on the light, and I stopped screaming. It turned out that in the afternoon, my mother brought a huge palm tree in a large pot from the hall into my room and she put it behind the curtains. That night there was full moon, and it seemed to me that it was a ghost ...
I have never been so frightened as that night
Я хочу рассказать жуткую историю. Однажды ночью мне показалось, что в моей комнате есть кто-то кроме меня. Я открыл глаза и увидел у окна тень. Она была очень высокая, худая и протягивала ко мне руки. Мне стало страшно, и я закричал так громко как только мог. Я сидел на кровати и кричал. Вдруг в комнату вбежали мои родители. Они были очень напуганы. Папа включил свет, и я перестал кричать. Оказывается, днем мама принесла из зала в мою комнату огромную пальму в большом горшке и поставила ее за штору. Ночью была полная луна, и мне показалось, что это привидение... Мне никогда не было так страшно как в ту ночь